Pride! In The Name Of Love!

Go California!! 

The feelings I’m overcome with right now are not easy to explain- happiness, acceptance, love, proud…to name a few. The United States Supreme Court’s ruling this week has opened up a can of gay whoop-ass in California that just toppled the ideology that marriage is reserved for a man and woman- and instead brought it to being a civil right that should be blind to sex, and instead rooted in love and equality. If religion is your basis of argument against gay marriage, I say two words- straight atheists (being that they have been legally allowed to get married). If pro-creation is your other argument- I give you any number of men and/or woman who for whatever reason can’t have children. You scream sanctity- I say Tiger Woods. Let the madness end and fall back on what it is we all need and deserve at the end of the day, love and acceptance.

So many people of this movement have their own personal stories and hurdles, and mine are no more special than another’s. But regardless, all of our experiences are what shape and mold us into whom we become. How we choose to use our struggles is up to us.

Bree taking in the Pride Parade

For me, my personal struggle with coming to terms with my sexuality began at the young age of 16…I fell in love and had a “secret” relationship with my best friend for a couple years, unbeknownst to all of my closest friends and family- which in itself was a struggle. I remember walking the hallways in high school filled with all those good feelings you feel the first time you’re in love, but also in equal increments were these incredible feelings of guilt and confusion. It was not the easiest time. But, like so many others, I had been unconsciously spoon-fed the idea that it wasn't “normal,” it was a sin, etc. Despite the fact that it came/felt natural to me. It was an incredibly confusing time to feel like I was following a natural path for myself and happy, yet ashamed and scared at the same time for what it meant. It wasn't until a couple years later, around the age of 18, that I felt ready to “come clean” about my relationship with a few people. I was so scared- scared of not being accepted, scared of losing some of my friends, scared to be treated or looked at differently by people I cared so much about. Luckily for me, I had incredible people on my side that instead hugged me, accepted me, let me cry through it and for the most part are still in my life today. Not everyone is so lucky. But despite my amazing support system, there was still a part of me that they couldn't touch, which was still seeking validity and acceptance on a bigger scale. The Supreme Court’s ruling this week has touched on that chord that I didn't realize I had buried within me and healed it. All I can say is- Supreme Court, you complete me!

The man who expedited the cause- Mr. Gavin Newsom!

Around 10 years ago I met the woman who would come to be my lawfully wedded wife while working at Northridge in Nevada City. Breelyn is my best friend and the epitome of love, patience, understanding, compassion and amazingly hot all rolled into one- I am incredibly lucky. While Bree and I were one of the lucky couples who were able to tie the knot back in 2008 during the 5 month period it was legal- it still didn't feel right that we were legally married, yet other gay couples couldn't be. That in itself seemed oppressive. After the ruling on Wednesday I had a particular moment, which as time moves along I imagine will just become normalcy, where we were walking down the street holding hands and it somehow felt different. There was no more reason to feel self-aware of being judged, but instead was replaced with feelings of pride and acceptance within myself- with the law on our side now and thousands of people getting recognition along with us. Gotta say- it’s a really nice freeing, feeling.

Inside City Hall- Wedding Day Oct.22, 2008!

On our Wedding day- October 22nd, 2008!

As Macklemore so eloquently states-“strip away the fear, and it’s all the same- Love. About time we raised up!”  

Rainbow Wings!

MAY PROGRESS MARCH ON!!! 

Nostalgias Bitch

Conaway Avenue

So I have this condition…or, more like what I refer to as a world view. A way of digesting & internalizing things, making sense of them and gathering meaning for myself. It’s what those closest to me might lovingly roll their eyes at and call being a “sentimentalist.” Gasp. For me, I consider it the source of all my powers. It provides me with the inspiration and means to be loyal & love the best I can and/or know how to. And yes, sometimes it causes more wallowing and sorrow than the average Joe- but I’ll take that drawback. It’s why when I watch celebratory sporting moments I get choked up- every time (well, at least in the privacy of my own home), or why I’m such a photo hoarder. Or why most of the friends I have are the same ones I’ve had for years. 

The path most traveled

 I know it’s not considered healthy to live in the past, but I disagree. I’m all for the examined life- in proper doses. It makes me feel appreciative for what I have and who I am now, and remember just how far I've come. As long as you still enjoy & appreciate the present as well.

                

Along the same vein- we moved my Mom a few days ago out of the house she lived in for 20 years and I spent a good chunk of my adolescence growing up in. Even though I haven’t lived in that house for years, the memories were powerful as I sat cross-legged on the empty floor of my old bedroom on Conaway Avenue for the last time and let them have free reign. Movie & ice cream sundae nights with my Mom, hide and seek in the dark with Camille, the neighbor days with Cantway, decorating for different holidays,  “eternal flame” moments with Roz & Camille ;), Aaron Melching hanging out in my bedroom not long before he passed away, first love, graduations, late nights of yahtzee, sharing the last bedroom ever with my sister, coming out of the proverbial closet, finding out my Dad died, dancing in the living room, Mark & Navid climbing in through my bedroom window,  multiple “gatherings” with friends, sneaking out, my first Xmas with Breelyn, etc. etc. It’s all there. In that house. Forever. 

And it felt really nice & fulfilling to take the time to just feel the bitter sweetness of it all. Reminded me of a quote in Life of Pi, “It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.”- Yann Martel. To the next chapter in this rapidly changing book of life…I’m so thankful for all the memories and where they've led me at good ol’ Conaway Avenue.

From city to country